My Books in Print

I’ll have an e-reader, Bob

Four Point Plan.

We’ve just had the first piece of General Election tat in the post, and it’s from local estate agent and current Tory incumbent, Chris Davies. At least, I think it’s from him. There’s a picture of him sitting next to the Rt Hon. Member for Maidenhead and Wargrave, but his actual name only appears in the rubric in a 6pt font.

It outlines his ‘Plan For Brecon and Radnorshire, which I thought I might address. It has four points.

1. Vastly improved broadband. Everyone would like that, I’m sure. But at Number One on the list? No NHS, for example?

2. Rising employment. Davies claims that in the year before he was elected, unemployment in the constituency was 3%, and now, after two years of Chris, it’s down to 1%. If this is true, it is certainly nothing to do with him, and undermines the argument that immigrants are coming here to take ‘our’ jobs. It also disguises the truth that the population of the constituency is falling, and that young people are not looking for work because they have moved away. An increasing number of people in the constituency are not looking for work because they have retired.

3.Supporting our rural economy and communities. Chris says, (and I quote) ‘Agriculture is an iconic industry in Wales.’ Mate, in your constituency, don’t know if you’ve noticed, it’s pretty much the only industry, and this is how the Welsh Farmers Union are feeling.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/may/03/brexit-could-wipe-out-welsh-farming-says-union

I love the implication that he will have some say over Brexit negotiations. As Phillip Larkin wrote, ‘In a pig’s arse, friend.’

4. A tourism hotspot. Really. He really says that. Let’s think about tourism in Presteigne. Twice a week, a coachload of pensioners descend on The Judge’s Lodging, and then go back to Wolverhampton. Twice a day in summer, someone wanders past our house looking for the stone on the bridge which marks the border. Cyclists sometimes arrive and go to Elda’s. Posh people come for a few nights for the Presteigne Festival and the Vintage Sports Car rally. They go to Elda’s too, and also The Duck’s Nest. They stay in the hotel. And, er…

Let’s face it, you’re not going to take the kids to Radnorshire for a fortnight, are you? Day One; drive round The Elan Valley. Buy the kids an ice cream cone from the van, if he’s there. Take them to the museum about the Elan Valley. Day Two, feeding the kites. Day Three, Judge’s Lodging. Day Four, visit The Pales Meeting House in Llandegley, and then look at the Llandegley International Airport sign. Day Five, taking the waters in Llandrindod etc.

What fucking tourists? Has he ever driven on the A44 on a Bank Holiday in summer? Has he never noticed that there is never any traffic? Does this not strike him as unusual in a ‘tourist hotspot?’ You might get walkers in Brecon, but they don’t really come here, despite our proximity to the Offa’s Dyke Path. Hay is already a hot-spot, but that’s no thanks to Chris Davies, but thanks to a thriving community and some remarkarkable individuals, all of whom probably despise what he stands for.

I was e-mailed today by the Radnorshire Liberation Front, with their own plan, which I reproduce in full.

1. Increase the population.

2. Balkanise Powys.

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